as i was driving home today, i thought about how easy it would be for me to follow one person on the road that pissed me off to their destination and let them get the verbal beat down of a lifetime. i thought about that for a while as many drivers were doing stupid things along our routes. then i started to think of every asshole i have ever met; every douche bag i have encountered; every piece of shit person who no matter what a jerk they are, still gets what he/she wants. it sickened me. for as long as i can remember, i was always told to be nice to everyone, because someday, that one person i was mean to might be my boss. the fuck ever. i'm kind of tired of being a nice guy. i know too many pricks out there who have an awesome girlfriend/boyfriend or wife/husband that cheat, lie, are super arrogant (the list could go on) and are looked at as awesome people. what if everyone knew that he was cheating on her with that stupid bitch? what if he found out that while he was talking to her on the phone before he went to sleep, she was getting eaten out by some dude? what if? throughout my life, i have stumbled upon A LOT of dirt on people. for whatever reason, people vent to me about problems they have or have had with others. i never go prying into someone's personal emotions, cuz to be honest, i hate talking about my own. but when people start spewing information, i just let them speak their mind, keep it to myself (unless it is something that really does worry/concern me and may need better guidance) and just keep it in my back pocket about said person. there have been so many relationships i could have ruined. there are a few that i have. but i always think about the handful of people i know that are truly real. i think it's hard for me to be truly real at all times because of different surroundings...well...the same sort of surrounding, just a new area. i have grown up within the confines of the Christian community. the community that "prays" for each other. the community that "cares about where your life is." sometimes, i find that all to be a bunch of shit. a lot of "prayer groups" are usually filled with people who just need to be wrapped up in drama. a lot of those people who "really want to know where your life is" just want to tell someone else so they won't feel so shitty about their own trials. i sometimes just want to stand up in the middle of a church service and yell out, "WHAT THE FUCK ARE WE ALL DOING HERE!?" i really don't think you have to be in church to be a Christian. i've known people that have helped out at the church they attend for many years who became a Christian many years after they first set foot in the sanctuary. THAT'S BEING REAL! i don't know. i hate the thought of church to be honest. i have told many people that i would rather find a core group of people whose opinions i truly respect and sit with them and discuss "church" topics. "Oh but that's called church...where two or more are gathered in the name of The Lord is church." what the fuck ever. how does everyone know everyone else' heart? REALLY!? how do i know that the one person i choose to speak to about my thoughts about the God that i love, isn't just there to be able to learn some dirt about my past and maybe use it against me later? ugh...i wish i really knew where i was going with this but i just figured, "it's 11:00pm CT and i am bored as shit and just want to vent.
if you want to comment, go for it. you can even reply negatively, i don't give a shit. if you did read all the way through this though, thank you very much for your time. i do appreciate you reading this.
Sincerely,
Christian Olan
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